This poem was written from the point of view of someone who has escaped an abusive situation. It’s an actual dream that I had recently. I think the dynamics will feel familiar to anyone who has been in a similar situation; when an abusive person is upset, they are never at fault. It’s always someone else’s fault and someone else’s responsibility to manage their feelings for them.
My dream self clearly had enough. She’s not putting up with that anymore. She wants them to start taking responsibility for their own choices and their own feelings.
I no longer choose to accept the role of the scapegoat.
A Survivor’s Dream
I dreamt a dream last night
I dreamt that you were here
You were in my bedroom
Softly, you stepped to my bed
As I lay sleeping
You sat down beside me
My body curled around you
Soaking in your warmth
I dreamt that as I opened my eyes to meet yours
Tears were streaming down your cheeks
A flood of grief
I saw a sorrow inside of you so great
I worried that it might drown you
I asked you what was wrong
You wept
You told me that I’d hurt you
I’d wounded you so deeply
You didn’t know if you could recover
You told me about the burden of pain you carried
You told me how it felt too heavy to lift anymore
You told me that I caused this
A minute passed as I took in your words
I turned them around in my mind
I let myself feel the weight
Of your pain
Of your grief
Like a small child being tucked into bed
You closed your reality tightly around
my body and my soul
You waited for me to fall asleep to my truth
I wouldn’t do it
I sat up
I resisted your lies
The ones you covered yourself in
And cut you off from the light of truth
I reminded you of everything
Everything you said
Everything you did
To make me pull away from you
To make me seek protection for my soul
I reminded you
Of how you made my world so small
You laid on me the burden of being your everything
And you giving nothing to me
I reminded you of it all
You couldn’t refute the truth
And so, in my dream, you ran
Throwing insults and accusations behind you
Like daggers to my heart
You left me alone in my bed
Alone with my anger and my tears
And then I awoke to the life I live now
The life of freedom
Of love
Of truth
The kind of life that you could never live
Because you’re still locked in that prison
You built for yourself
Shari A Smith 